11 October 2008

Peeing in Japan

I was at YouMe Town today ("[shopping] town" being Engrish for "mall", and "youme" being close to the spelling of "yumé", or dream). Yes, I went there again. I'm not proud of it, but there I was.

Anyway, I used to washroom -- the second floor one beside the dentist office and smoking room that's always empty. I tend to have a bit of a predilection toward that one, because the ones on the main floor seem to always have "Part of My World" from the Aladdin soundtrack playing while middle aged women obliviously clean the floors a few metres behind me, while old men hock loogies into the urinals, glance at my gaijin manhood, and then shake just a little too much, all the while swarms of five year olds pee Butters-style.

But, there I was, and I walked up the the urinal, completely alone and as I unzipped my fly, I heard a voice from somewhere say, "cha-ching!" I was absolutely sure I was alone, but I heard this two or three times. It was like an adult trying to imitate a child's voice and ended up sounding eerily like Michael Jackson. I thought I heard "cha-ching!", but it slowly dawned on me that I probably actually heard "chin-chin", which is childish Japanese slang for "penis". Needless to say, I got out of there as soon as possible.

Then I walked by a group of probably-stoned teenagers pushing eachother over and laughing hysterically -- which, given that drugs are tightly enforced here -- is almost unseen in Japan. Just after this, I walked by a woman who was wearing a tight navy blue t-shirt with the well-known English word "MILK" written across her chest in big white letters. In Japanese, the word for milk and breasts uses the same kanji (, for you pervs), so Japanese people should be much more aware that this is a a strange thing for a woman to write on her chest. Maybe this is a very popular shirt these days? Maybe she works on a dairy farm? Or maybe she has no idea what it says... being Saga, none would surprise me.

All in all, a very strange day at YouMe Town.


Adam said...

I was expecting some kind of conclusion, but you left me hanging! Interesting story nonetheless. I'm going to ask Akiko if she has nice milk. :P

Michael said...

Oh... a story like that doesn't really end, except something terrible happening to me. :|

Akiko, eh?

Sue said...

lol! What a creeeepy washroom. Do old men really stare at your gaijin manhood? Have you been asked about your size yet? I hear that happens all the time to foreign guys, and I've always wondered if it's really true.

I read a hilarious story in the "Gaijin Horror Stories" section of a magazine here. The author apparently ventured into a yakuza-dominated bar and was confronted by a bigshot yakuza man who insisted, threateningly, that he was phallically smaller than the author was. It was the strangest dialogue... check the story out at http://www.seekjapan.jp/article/jz/1817/Gaijin+Horror+Stories if you're interested (search for the heading, "Cocksure Hoodlum"). :D I just can't do it justice.

Hope you're well over there Maik-san! I'll add you to my phone once I get a keitai.. I'm probably going with Softbank too. =)

Sue said...

Oh yeah, I remember what else I wanted to say. :)P My trainer today told us in class that one of his students -- a sexy, modern young Japanese girl in her twenties -- once waltzed into class proudly wearing a shirt with a picture of a squeezed juicebox on it. The caption was, "100% Pure Pussy Juice."

Michael said...

I remember in that Will Ferguson book about hitchhiking across Japan, he talks about his middle aged house wife neighbour who's favourite t-shirt says 'lusty pet' on it and he doesn't have the heart to tell her.