26 January 2010

Product Test: Suntory "Chocholate Sparkling"

"Chocolate Sparling", or チョコレート・スパークリング, is chocolate flavoured soda and is about as disgusting and horribly misguided as it sounds.


Let me preface this by saying that in English "sparkling" is an adjective and not a noun, and is translated into Japanese as 発泡 (happou). Just to make sure, I checked out Yahoo's Japanese dictionary, which had no entry for スパークリング (supaakuringu) at all. And for the record, this drink has NO BLOODY BUBBLES AND IS NOT SPARKLING IN ANY SENSE OF THE WORD. So congratulations, Suntory. You've managed to fracture both the English language and the Japanese language in one go. That's a new one I think.

I was sceptical, but like with many impulse purposes in Japan, it had to be done for science.


It obviously doesn't have any chocolate in it, and it tastes less like real chocolate and more like scratch n' sniff chocolate. Or more specifically, at one of my schools the language lab key's key chain has a small scented plastic mock-up of a bun with chocolate syrup on top, and Chocolate Sparkling smells exactly like it smells. Chocolate Sparkling tastes like a key chain.

Since I began this article, I finished the bottle. I had to stop halfway for a while because I began to feel nauseous and dizzy. Less than 200mls to go and I began hallucinating and was rambling and speaking in tongues and imagining surviving snails on the edge of straight razors in no time.

Here's an after picture:


In short, stay away from this.

5 comments:

Kozo said...

These weird flavors have very little to do with actually making a product that appeals to customers and more about securing valuable shelf space for their main products.

http://clast.diamondagency.jp/en/?p=56

Gorrozolla said...

eeeeeew.

Dr. Furious said...

Haha I don't know if the image of you already knowing about Japanese beverage marketing techniques is scarier, or looking that up after seeing this entry is scarier, Kozo ;)

Kozo said...

Oh you better believe I knew about Japanese retail trends fueled by its peculiar distribution system.

Dr. Furious said...

I actually 爆笑ed at that reply!

It actually is really interesting. I should send that to my father, since he's in general marketing.

But the thing is, I had a group of 小学校一年生 look shocked and appalled that there's only one version of Kit Kat in Canada, and I think they appreciate life in Japan just a bit more now. But chocolate flavoured pop is just an abomination of nature. If God knew what they did to His precious cacao, He would smite Suntory and maybe all of Japan.